By the Light of the Moon

The fates converged recently and gave us something possibly unprecedented in the history of Taiwan - a Five Day Weekend. Well, technically it was a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday off. Friday was Mid-Autumn Festival (This page had the most amusing grammatical errors) and the following Tuesday was Taiwan's National Day, Double Ten. FCU had the foresight to make Monday, the 9th, a "make-up holiday" for the university's founding day celebrations. They assumed, one must believe correctly, that if they did not give the students Monday off, nobody would show up anyway.

This was not the case for elementary school students. They were expected to show up for school on Monday. Then, at the last minute, 5 days before the long weekend was to begin, the government decided to belatedly grant the students Monday off. BUT, the students would have to go to school the following Saturday to make up for the Monday off. This was amidst rumors that the government was granting the day off so as to diffuse the massive "Depose A-Bian" (Here is another article more strictly factual from the China Post) rallies that were planned for sites all around the island that weekend.

Anyway, since I'd first laid eyes on the academic schedule for the 95-96 school year, I'd been dreaming and scheming of places to go and things to do. First on my travel wish list was a 5 day 4 night extravaganza to Korea. Or, perhaps a trip to Jinmen and/or Matzu. Hualian anyone? How about a beach weekend at Kenting? Beginning about last April, I started using a many-pronged attack (including but not limited to pleading, whining, nagging, cajoling, and sometimes, outright begging) which, in theory would wear Jason down, forcing him to eventually make air/hotel reservations. Flash forward to three days before the start of the FIVE DAY WEEKEND. Jason springs his secret plan on me. We would go camping in Yilan - with his entire family. Hmmmmm.....

We left for Taipei on Saturday (The Taiwanese elementary school teachers took advantage of the 5 day weekend to give no fewer than 13 homework assignments. Therefore, Firday was comepletely eaten up by mindless memorization of Tang-dynasty poems so, by my count, we're already down to four days.) and had an enjoyable time setting off firecreackers on the roof of my in-law's apartment. No missing digits to report.

We had to get up at 5:00am on Sunday in order to leave by 6 :00am and thereby hopefully miss the expected traffic jam going through the Hsuehshan Tunnel. The tunnel was quite impressive. It is 12.9km long and took us 17 minutes to drive through. That's 17 minutes of sphincter tightening will-the-Hsueshan-waterdragon-decide-to-give-a-flick-of-his-vengeful-tail-and-bring-the-whole-mountain-down-upon-us-or-not obsession on my part. But we made it through both ways unscathed.

We had a busy day of hotsprings and hiking not returning to the campsite until almost dark. It was about now that I started to have serious pangs about being pissy earlier in the day. I'd promised to be on my best behavior and yet somehow the "15 people as one unit" philosophy of Taiwanese travel inevitably becomes intolerable for me at some point. And, of course everyone knows that I'm peeved and they become all-consumed with determining the root cause of my peevishness and making things right which for some reason only fuels my fury.

So, we finally get tents set up and barbeque eaten and I am busily tossing and turning, consuming myself with regret for my bad behavior when Josh pops up out of his sleeping bag. "I don't feel good," he says. "Okay," I say, "What do you need me to do?" "Mom," he begins, and unfortunately, the rest of his utterance is rendered unintellibigle by the pyroplastic Vesuvian eruption of vomit that begins spewing relentlessly out of his face and onto the sleeping bags and the thin comforter which is the only thing between my ass and the rocks on the ground. Never having been in contention for Mother of the Year, rather than comfort or console, instead I scream at him in a voice full of sympathy, "Shit Josh, get your head out of the tent!" "I tried....OPEN!" he gasps. I get the zipper just in time and the next wave splashes just outside the zipper door.

This alerts the rest of the gang of fifteen to trouble. As if they were one 20-legged creature, moving in perfect syncronicity they descend on the scene where Josh continues to retch quietly under a nearby tree. "Aiya! What did he eat?" "What's wrong with him?" "Why is it that color?" "Make them go away!" I hiss at Jason as Josh finishes off round one of his gastro-intestinal assault and begins to warn of an impending colo-rectal event. I see the bright flourescent glow of the restrooms in the distance. For some unknowable reason, Josh selects me to accompany him on the journey. We arrive without a minute to spare.

We finally make it back to the tent, Josh crawling part of the way back, and as I zip us back into our vomit-scented coccoon, I realize what it is about going on an excrusion with Jason's family that is most disturbing for me. It is simply this: I generally feel myself to be a kind, generous, some would even say nice person. Travelling with Jason's family, however, shatters any part of that illusion and I am revealed to be an impatient, irritable shrew of a woman. I was reminded of the words of Jason's now-deceased uncle, "Good God, boy. Not being married would be better than being married to a woman like that." This was the trip where twelve of them invited themselves along on our trip to Kenting and boy was I not a good sport about it at all. Why can't I be gracious, patient, and pleasant?

My friend Halima who is also a "Taiwanese daughter-in-law" consoled me with her take on things. "It's like you're surrounded by aliens sometimes, isn't it?" she said. In that case, beam me up, I suppose.