Superhuman Powers

It's time to come clean with you all about something. I...well, the truth is, I have super powers. You're running through a myriad of possibilities - flight? super strength? elasticity? (doesn't Jason wish?) but no, if you guessed X-ray vision, you'd be getting warm. In fact, the power that I was born with and was carefully nurtured throughout my youth is Imperfectavision. I have the ability to see the tiniest imperfection in something or someone and then obsess about it for hours. Can I use this power to better the human condition? I haven't thought of any way yet. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

And so it was that I was the first to notice the stye on Jayden's left eyelid - his left, your right. While it was still a tiny pink pinprick I was already obsessing over it. As it grew and increased in size I became more and more obsessed. Finally, Jason took him to the eye doctor who volunteered to poke it with a sharp stick and put me out of my misery. Jason, for some reason, refused. Something about the dangers of a sharp stick even in the hands of a trained professional and a three-year-old's eye...

The eye medicine prescribed by the eye doctor did nothing to improve the stye situation. It continued to grow. I went for three days without looking directly at my son and Jason finally took him to yet another eye doctor who said that poking a three year old in the eye with a stick was a bad idea and gave us drops. The drops caused the pustule to swell to an unimaginable size and I continued to focus my gaze on a point just above his right ear lest the urge to pop it overwhelmed me. In moments of weakness I asked him in my sweetest Mommy voice (yes, I do have one, you've just never heard it) "Jay, honey, can Mommy pop that thing on your eyelid? Please? It won't hurt. Come on!" In my own defense, let me say here that at this point people on the street were starting to gasp at his Elephant Man-like appearance.

Finally, it reached a critical mass and exploded on its own. I still couldn't look directly at him, however, because of the pus stalactite left in its wake. It was like an icicle of pus hanging from the rain gutter of his eyelid which he did finally let me break off as it was obscuring his field of vision.

Of all of the things going on recently, I don't know why I picked this particular episode to recount to you. Perhaps because I've received some feedback lately about my blog being too Happy or Schmaltzy, so what better to counteract that than an exploding eye pustule story?